Cya later, 2016

Saturday, December 31, 2016
Seals in Skegness, loafers in the leaves, my new motto, Tilly's last photo, our living room at Christmas, the Red Arrows in Cromer, the local church looking majestic in the summer, a glorious 5am glow, and my second cross-stitch attempt.

2016 has come to an end and I'm very, very grateful. It was a weird year for us all (especially in regards to worldwide politics and incessant celebrity deaths, bleugh) but I can't say it's been the worst for me personally.

I did three pretty big things this year:

  1. I dropped out of uni - I wrote a helpful post about it here if you're thinking of dropping out or if you've already done it and want some reassurance.
  2. I got a job - mentioned briefly here.
  3. I started taking antidepressants (SSRIs) - I don't think I've mentioned that on the blog before but there you go.

I hated 2016 at first because I felt like dropping out of uni was a huge step backwards. Even though I wasn't happy at uni whatsoever, I was going forwards and that's all that mattered, but it turns out it's not all that matters. I was miserable and deep down I just wanted to go home. I felt like a fraud being at uni - I just didn't feel like I belonged there, like I'd somehow scammed my way in. Everyone else knew more than me and was more experienced than me and I know that sounds pessimistic but it was true. I was surrounded by people who had just walked out of sixth form with a Creative Writing or English Lit A-level and I had walked out of college three years prior with a Creative Media Production BTEC. I was good at writing, but it was just a hobby and not something I'd studied in depth at college. I knew jack all compared to the rest and it was so depressing.

When I got home it all felt right again. I'd taken a big step backwards but it was a good step backwards. Once I got home I didn't care about anything or what anyone thought, I was just relieved to be happy and comfortable again. Not long after I'd moved back I went to the doctors, something I should've done years ago but never felt I could. Kids - if you're not mentally well please go to the doctors as soon as possible, dealing with it alone and without help - whether help is medication or CBT or both - is super crappy, trust me!!

Since starting my job in April, I've just been focusing on work and enjoying the quiet. I love turning up to work, doing my job, and going home to chill out and do whatever I want. It's so freeing and I love it. I've been trying to practice mindfulness and slow living since dropping out of uni - it's not easy, but doing a little bit at a time makes such a difference.

My brother's dog being impossibly cute, the train station at Holt, Clifford's Tower in York, tea at Harriets, houses in Bakewell, an embroidery for my dear mum, Girl Online: Going Solo signed by Zoella, a Christmas jumper that sums up my life, and a spinning record.

Had a few nice trips this year - got to visit my dad twice down in Norfolk, visited York a few times (as a tourist), and spent some lovely days in Bakewell being surrounded by the breathtaking Peaks. More trips in 2017 please!

There was one bad thing that happened this year - I lost my cat Tilly in October. She ran away and hasn't returned, so for all we know she's found new owners or she's passed away. We honestly don't know. I cannot put into words how much I miss her, but things like this happen all the time and all we can do is just hope she's alright wherever she is. I've included the last picture I took of her in the first collage above. I don't want to dwell on the sad things too much, so I'll end this here. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that she rolls up at the door one day pretending like nothing even happened. Typical cat.

2017 resolutions? Probably to eat better. I don't want to diet, but I'd like to eat healthier meals and probably walk to work more often. I'd also like to continue to take it easy and live slowly. That's all I want to do. I have no plans for 2017 yet so for me it's a fresh, open book. I suppose all we can do is see what happens! So, cya 2016. It's been interesting.

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